Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Continue In Patience

There are many of us who are waiting for promised blessings. If we trust and wait for the Lord, He will not let us down.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Changes, Beginning Anew

I don't know if this post is going to make sense, so please bear with me.

There have been a lot of changes in my life, changes that have forced me to face things I haven't faced before and do things I haven't done before.

If you read my regular blog, you know I recently had a health crisis. I had surgery to remove both an ovarian cyst and the ovary it was attached to. Thankfully there was no cancer. This is the second cancer scare I've had since Decker's death.

It's also been a time for reflection, looking at what is really important to me and, basically, finding out who my friends are. I've found the number one friend I have is Jesus Christ.

Saturday marked the 9 year anniversary of attacks from several fronts on American soil. I sat and watched, glued to the television, video I hadn't seen before of what it was like at the Twin Towers in New York. Watching firefighters and police officers racing to the towers, knowing many of them wouldn't come out alive. I thought of the trauma that so many people encountered that day, and felt somewhat shaken just by watching it.

Trauma changes people, changes their outlook, and changes lives.

I would have to say Decker's death was the biggest trauma I've had so far in my life, however the death of my father has come in second. Life is never the same after a traumatic event, but one thing does remain the same and that is the Savior Jesus Christ. He was there for me when Decker died, he was definitely there for me after my father's death, and I felt His peace upon me yesterday during Sacrament meeting. I was still reeling after what I had watched on television, but the words of the Sacrament Prayer brought peace and perspective.

The Plan of Salvation was still in effect.

Then there was the talk of "rebuilding". This word has an empty meaning to people who's lives have changed because of trauma. Can you truly rebuild? In my personal opinion, no. What was normal before will never be the same again, so those who have been affected by trauma cannot go back to the way things were before. Particularly where death is a part of that trauma.

The only building that can be done is when those traumatized move forward and, as I put it, begin anew. This means creating a new life, and a new sense of normalcy. Will it be the same as the old normal. Some aspects, such as a job, might be the same, however everything will take on new meaning with this new life.

Everything changes, including relationships with others.

This includes their relationship with the Lord, and in my opinion, it should.

Saturday, June 12, 2010


Usually this day is pretty difficult for me: it's my 12 year wedding anniversary.

A little background:

Decker and I met on November 15th 1997 while working together in a kitchen at a church single's conference. I was 31 and had given up hope at that point of meeting my Mr. Right. He was 39 and yes, HE was looking. We fell in love on the dance floor that Saturday evening. By the following Wednesday, we knew we were meant for each other and it was only a matter of time before he proposed.

I didn't think things would happen that fast, and when we got engaged on December 20th 1997, my Mother freaked out made us promise to wait 6 months before getting married. We did, we got to know each other better and made some goals to start our life together with.

We married on June 12, 1998 in the Mesa Arizona Temple, just a few weeks before Decker turned 40 years old. He was thrilled to have found himself a wife before he turned 40.

Our bliss was cut short when Decker unexpectedly passed away on August 14, 2000. He had just turned 42 years old, I was a month away from turning 34.

I've gotten better with my emotions over the years since Decker's passing, but I can usually count on our wedding anniversary and the anniversary of his death to basically be a basket case. Instead, today I was blessed to see some miracles.

I usually try to spend some time at the Temple, and today was no different, but the Lord had some wonderful experiences in store for me.

After serving as a proxy for someone else, I ran into some good friends I've known for years with my family history work and ended up getting asked to come to a very special sealing session. Sealings are where couples are married for time and all eternity and where those who were not born to sealed parents become sealed to their parents. Today I had the privilege to see multiple familes restored between this side of the veil and the other. I shed a lot of tears as I watched this happen, tears of joy rather than of my own sorrow. I could also feel Decker's presence at various times throughout my time at the Temple.

I also had the opportunity, because of these sealings, to be reminded of the covenants and the promises God has in store with these sealings. Peace filled my heart as I knew that God knew of the pain I've been through since Decker left, and that He plans on making things right for both of us when the time comes for us to be reunited.

In the meantime, I'm glad I got to spend a little time with the Lord, with Decker and with some really, really good friends.

And Decker, My Love, I love you and long for the day when we can embrace once again.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Look To The Light

This was posted on YouTube for Christmas 2009, but I think it's prevalent all year round.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

January 2010 Ensign

There are a few wonderful articles that might be of interest to you.

The first is geared specifically toward widows and widowers. Here is the link: Widows and Widowers: Moving Forward With Faith

Another great article is geared for those who are helping someone in need of comfort: The Courage to Comfort

The third fantastic message comes from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of The Twelve Apostles: The Best Is Yet To Be

Welcome To The Widowed Connection

Welcome to the Widowed Connection, where widowed members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can read and share in this blog.