I don't know if this post is going to make sense, so please bear with me.
There have been a lot of changes in my life, changes that have forced me to face things I haven't faced before and do things I haven't done before.
If you read my regular blog, you know I recently had a health crisis. I had surgery to remove both an ovarian cyst and the ovary it was attached to. Thankfully there was no cancer. This is the second cancer scare I've had since Decker's death.
It's also been a time for reflection, looking at what is really important to me and, basically, finding out who my friends are. I've found the number one friend I have is Jesus Christ.
Saturday marked the 9 year anniversary of attacks from several fronts on American soil. I sat and watched, glued to the television, video I hadn't seen before of what it was like at the Twin Towers in New York. Watching firefighters and police officers racing to the towers, knowing many of them wouldn't come out alive. I thought of the trauma that so many people encountered that day, and felt somewhat shaken just by watching it.
Trauma changes people, changes their outlook, and changes lives.
I would have to say Decker's death was the biggest trauma I've had so far in my life, however the death of my father has come in second. Life is never the same after a traumatic event, but one thing does remain the same and that is the Savior Jesus Christ. He was there for me when Decker died, he was definitely there for me after my father's death, and I felt His peace upon me yesterday during Sacrament meeting. I was still reeling after what I had watched on television, but the words of the Sacrament Prayer brought peace and perspective.
The Plan of Salvation was still in effect.
Then there was the talk of "rebuilding". This word has an empty meaning to people who's lives have changed because of trauma. Can you truly rebuild? In my personal opinion, no. What was normal before will never be the same again, so those who have been affected by trauma cannot go back to the way things were before. Particularly where death is a part of that trauma.
The only building that can be done is when those traumatized move forward and, as I put it, begin anew. This means creating a new life, and a new sense of normalcy. Will it be the same as the old normal. Some aspects, such as a job, might be the same, however everything will take on new meaning with this new life.
Everything changes, including relationships with others.
This includes their relationship with the Lord, and in my opinion, it should.